i've been beaten

when i was first diagnosed with my list o' diseases, i was determined that it would affect my life as little as possible. hell, i was back at work the day after i spent time in hospital for the diagnoses as well as the day i had surgery to have my line put in. i can handle this, i said.

even when i started on dialysis, i was able to do it in the evenings, so i could work full time. apart from meaning that i spent three evenings out, instead of at home,there was no change. i used to that when i was in my twenties anyway.

i was even able to incorporate the dietry changes and even (swearing and cursing) the fluid restrictions.

however, dialysis proved to be the killer. it is literally draining and the day after even with a "good" session, i am much slower than i am usually. wednesdays i can usually handle and sundays can be mitigated by sleeping in and not doing anything too strenuous. but fridays...

there are some people who dia;ysis actually makes them feel better, but i am not one of them. the issue (i suspect) is my blood pressure which tends to drop alarmingly during dislysis and stays low. thus for thursday's session, i still haven't bounced back from tuesdays. hence on friday, i feel absolutley terrible (and apparently look terrible)

everytime i stand up, i get a rush of blood away from my head that makes me dizzy. sometimes, my vision gets blurred and indistinct. i call the greying out. i couldn't concentrate on any one thing for any length of time. as it was it was getting rare for me to work a full day of friday

so, i've admitted defeat and have taken the financial hit of reducing my hours and working only four days a week. it pisses me off, as it means that i am being beaten by this thing

all i need to do now is ensure that i am doing as much work in four days that i used to do in five.